Mattering

This morning, as I sat in my comfortable chair with Violet purring sweetly, a memory, long forgotten from childhood, returned to be witnessed and held from a perspective far different than the one I had at the time, being a young teenager when it first occurred.

It was my parents’ wedding anniversary.

As I recall, this was #16 at the time.

My mother said to my father, “Arnold, do you love me?”

My father got angry and replied sharply, “I told you I loved you 17 years ago. That should be enough. Leave me the hell alone.”

I remember looking at my mother and observing one solitary tear running down her left cheek.

And the reason that I am experiencing this so poignantly, so tenderly, so sorrowfully today is because for the first time in my adult life, I had an experience so similar to this one that I wept in anguish with a sorrow last evening that could have echoed on the moon.

I think I actually felt the sorrow of this entire planet, the anguish was so palpably acute.

You see, I have someone very special to me in my life too.

Oh, not in the sense that most of you think.

It is not a life partner or anything.

But it is an adult. One who is a good 30 years younger than me that has been a very important part of my life since he was 14 years old. In that time we have gone through many shared experiences and there has been a certain comfort we have experienced through these exchanges because no one can possibly understand another person’s journey unless they have gone through it themselves.

This little piece of wisdom has helped me understand my own journey through this life.

Where I questioned soul-fully my experiences as a child, I came to understand, as an adult, that I did so for the sake of all of us. And it has increased my relatability exponentially.

I am living proof that anyone can be free in this very lifetime no matter what they have done or experienced, no matter what.

But back to my experience from yesterday…

This young adult of which I speak and myself have gone through some rather hideously unspeakable experiences together during the course of this decade. 

Those events terminated, for the most part, in 2025.And since then, I have heard little to nothing from this person.

Oh…not that I do not understand. He is now quite allergic to Dallas. And he wants absolutely nothing to do with anyone or anything that reminds him of what we collectively went through.

However yesterday we shared a huge come to Jesus moment together and the outcome of that exchange is yet to be determined.

But let us say that it ended in ways that left us both feeling quite hurt, confused and doubting whether or not we had each lost the plot.

So back to my mother….

Last night, as I relived that experience from my childhood, I felt such hurt, despair, loneliness, self-doubt, self-torment, disappointment and anguish pouring forth from her.

And I knew, beyond all shadow of doubt, exactly how that felt.

And you know what?

When I was in the third grade, and I remember this quite vividly, and I was sitting in my favorite hiding place beneath our weeping willow tree, reflecting on why a particular girl in my Sunday school class always bullied me so viciously, I came to the conclusion that what human beings crave beyond anything that could ever be spoken in words, is to know that they are seen and that they matter.

So this child, who hated my guts and was incredibly mean and vocal about that in her treatment of me, was someone I could not avoid and no matter what I said or did, it only seemed to increase her wrath toward me.

But after my realization underneath my favorite tree, I decided I was going to treat her like my best friend.

As she heaped fiery coals upon my head, I was kind and loving. I spoke of her to other people as being the most wonderful human being I know.

Our fellow classmates would come to her and tell her of all the wonderful things they heard about her which had come from me.

And you know what?

In a very short period of time, she started treating me as friend. And with a little more time, we became the best of friends.

Later, when she was 17 and I was 16, we would come to each other’s rescue and we would both be summarily kicked out of the Church of Christ together.

I still count her as a friend to this very day and all of my memories of her are only kind and deeply affectionate.

There is a beautiful verse in A Course Of Miracles which says:

“The holiest of all places on earth is where an ancient hatred becomes a present love.”

(T-26.IX.6:1)

So today, see the people you encounter. Really and truly see them. See ALL OF THEM. And tell them that their lives matter. Look deeply into their eyes and tell them that their lives matter to you. And never ever hold back a single instant from living a life of conscious care with all whom you cherish and hold close to you.

The Forever Friend who sees you...gets you...and loves you no matter what.

Pelkyong